Is it possible...is that the word I'm looking for? I don't know...perhaps I should explain the scenario and then you can tell me what the right word is.
Once upon a time I made a decision. It was a very painful decision. It was also the right decision...as in "Choose the right when a choice is placed before you..." But so often I regret making that right decision. Is that right, the regret part I mean? Is that possible? Can you actually regret a decision that was CTR right? Perhaps "regret" is the wrong word? But I know, unfortunately, what regret feels like...and this is regret. As I said...I don't constantly feel regret for the decision...but it is there...often.
Does this mean that I don't really have a desire to be a good person? Does this mean that I'd rather make wrong decisions in my life to satisfy my immediate desires for happiness? I think we all want that sometimes...more than sometimes...speaking for myself of course. Instant gratification, well, I don't think I would call it instant...perhaps..."not eternal" gratification is what I often desire...because sometimes the gratification is a little more than 55 second microwave cake. (which is awesome by the way).
So what do I do with this regret? I feel it and then move on and hope it goes away. And have faith that there will be a day that I will rejoice in the right decision that I made. I will know without any doubt whatsoever that it was the right decision and I will feel how right it was and regret will be something of which I have zero concept.
3 comments:
I like you. A lot.
Thanks Amy. I like you a lot too.
Here is a response that I received to this post via text message: "You don't really regret it. It's just hard and seems sad and doesn't feel good sometimes (meaning the CTR right decision), but that doesn't equal regret."
After reading this post I know you already know the answer to this.
You focus on the "faith that there will be a day that I will rejoice in teh right decision that I made. I will know without any doubt whatsoever that it was the right decision..."
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