What was interesting was that only a few asked why I was asking...they all just answered. One person asked who the question was from...obviously we're not as good of friends as I thought...just kidding Lon! One person even answered and then asked who it was! A few things about this little exercise struck me: 1) the willingness of people to respond without asking for a reason or context of the relationship; 2) who said what; and 3) the responses themselves.
Willingness to respond...
I send out an text message : "Random question: What is the most important thing in a relationship? In your opinion." Then people just started responding...good thing I have an unlimited texting plan on my phone! People just sent their answers. No questions asked (well except for Ed, and Shorty...and maybe a couple others). Why are people so willing to respond to a question like that? I asked my friend Melanie why she thought people were so willing. Her response to that question was that it's something we're always thinking about. ( We're meaning single adults...though I polled more than singles...granted they may be the majority because I am one). She has a point...if we're not in a relationship we may be thinking about what we want out of one when we are, and if we are in one then we're probably thinking about...well...the relationship.
It was also interesting that only one person...if I remember correctly...asked me the context of the relationship. It seems that most responses were to a relationship of intimacy, but I did get one response that was specifically responding to friendship. Though I think that most answers are applicable to any type of relationship
Maybe some people thought they were going to win a prize for answering...sorry guys :( Maybe some people thought I was going to respond to their response with some great mystery of the dating/relationship universe...yeah...highly unlikely...all things considered. What I could do though is go through all the responses and set people up on dates according to their responses...I mean if you're dating someone who feels that the same things in the relationship are most important isn't that going to be guaranteed success right there?! I think that is a topic for discussion all on its own.
He Said, She Said...
Who said what was also interesting...whether it was looking at male vs. female; single vs. dating; single vs. married; married vs. dating; newlywed vs. nearly dead; and just person specific. I think that people's responses say a lot about who they are. So as not to reveal too much about anyone I won't go into specifics, but next time you ask a question...a subjective question...take notice of who says what...it might open your eyes to who they really are. People's responses reveal what they may have been through, their confidence in certain aspects of their life, or lack there of perhaps...do we seek after what we're best at, or do we seek after what we want most that is missing from our own life?
Here is what you said...
Names have been withheld and some responses have been edited for content...personal reasons...not explicit content...get your mind out of the gutter!!
I have included relationship status and gender. (AS FAR AS I KNOW).
"Communication"-dating someone-female
"It's a toss up between communication and honesty. Most likely when you communicate enough, you do it honestly."-single-female
"Communicating through the though things and getting along with each other."-married-male
"Commitment and selflessness. At least that's what I think."-married-female
"The ability to know you're loved unconditionally...Communication is the fall back answer:)"-divorced-female
"Selflessness comes to mind."-single-female
"Unconditional love."-engaged-male
"I would say two things: selflessness and communication."-single-female
"Friendship"-single-male (he later responded and asked to change his answer: "having one").
"Trust."-single-female
"Kindness"-married-female
"Concern for the other's happiness above your own. I think."-single-male
"That's hard...to be unselfish."-single-female
"Trust. Then love."-dating one boy; waiting for another to got off his mission-female...obviously.
"Trust."engaged-female
"Friendship? Attraction."-single-male
"Trust."-single-male
"That's tough cause there really are so many things that are important. But for me it is that he accepts me for who I am and what I do..."-married-female
"Probably solid communication and understanding of each other."-single-male (his response is specifically to a marriage).
"That is hard to give just one all important answer because there are so many but I would say communication, humility."-married-male
"Besides a common gospel bond...communication. No question!"-single-male
"Sex. Just kidding...communication!"-single-female
"Trust."-single-female
"The most important thing in a relationship is definitely without question...HONESTY. In the words of William (Billy) Joel "Honesty is such a lonely word" which is so true. if there is one person from who you can require unquestioning honesty...it is the person you are sharing a relationship with..."-male-single
"Tie. Communication and trust."-dating someone-male
"I can't single it to one aspect. I'd have to say honestly, patience, understanding, and sacrifice."-single(I think)-male
"Tough question...Relationships are so complex. I'd say respect or forgiveness."-single-female
"Communication and love. With those all else should fall in to place."-single-male
"In my opinion-trust, integrity. Essentially if you do not have trust in a relationship you have no REAL relationship. There is no foundation."-married-female
"Communication and honesty. I think honesty is really number one."-single-female
"Loyalty."-single-male
"The ability to feel comfortable with the individual and be completely myself and communication. I think communication is probably number one."-engaged-female
"Trust."-dating someone-female
"Sex hands down. Just kidding...for real communication, no joke. Communication is key, then humility."-married-male
"The very thing that is missing."-divorced-male
"Love. To know they truly and sincerely care about you through their listening and asking questions about your day, etc...but sincerely caring what you say."-single-female
"Consistency."single-female
"There are so many. I'd have to say genuine respect. What comes from that is emotional honesty, trust and effective communication. Those are the basis of human interaction."-single-female
"Friendship..."-single-female
"Good question! I'm going to go with the Spirit."-single-female
"Trust; emotional trust; trust that they profess they are who they are; not that they won't make mistakes, but they are who they are at the core."-married-female
"Intellect."-single-female
"I think communication is very important. I think noticing things things that are important to them, liking their interests, doing things for them, being honest, NOT talking ill of them, but supporting them even when they do dumb things occasionally--we all do! I think that being fair and loyal and trust worthy is important, not making fun of them and their choices."single-female. (Her response was specifically to friendships).
"Reciprocated love."-married-female
"Loving someone enough to trust them with everything-the good, the bad, the ugly."-married-female
The Conclusion...
So there you have it folks. In case you were wondering...communication was mentioned 15 times...and interestingly enough so was trust and/or honesty. As I continued to think about the question while waiting for responses, I came up with loyalty and selflessness. Neither communcation nor honesty/trust crossed my mind. I guess I'm a horrible, dishonest, communicator who has no trust in anyone! No wonder I'm still single!
3 comments:
Communication, what the heck is that supposed to mean anyway?! Whatev.
Also, what does "the very thing that is missing" mean? Intriguing.
Interesting blog Brookie.
how do you know i'm a single female? we haven't had a heart to heart in weeks... a lot could have changed.
I love you Brookie.... loved reading your thoughts!
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